Sunday, September 9, 2012

A Letter To Connor On His 1st Day Of School

Dear Connor-
You were born on a Wednesday afternoon in mid-October.  But you had made your presence known way before that!!!  Once you started kicking, you never stopped.  Your brother was stubborn with his kicks.  He wouldn’t kick for the doctor, he wouldn’t kick when friends wanted to feel my belly, and he would never kick for your father.   But you kicked and kicked and kicked.  Even after you were born, I could still feel my belly being kicked.  I started physical therapy in July because I had sciatica pain so bad into my right leg that I could barely walk. And in August I started having contractions.  One night they were so bad that it warranted an overnight stay in the hospital complete with all kinds of shots to get your lungs developing and to stop the contractions.  I returned home the next day completely exhausted but thankful that you decided to stay put. 

The day you were born I wanted to remember every detail.  It was a planned c-section so I was alert to what was going on around me.  What I remember most was when the nurses were getting ready to roll me into recovery.  They laid you alongside of me.  You looked up at me with the most handsome, alert face.  I couldn’t stop staring at you.  Eventually the nurses had to take you into the nursery for all the important evaluations they do but I couldn’t wait for the moment you were able to return to my arms. 

Those first days, Daddy had to go home at night to be with Aidan and so I slept with you in bed with me.  It was easier than having to maneuver getting out of bed to reach you.  This was very against hospital policies but a few of the nurses were really nice about it and cushioned you into the bed along with me.  Not much changed when we returned home.  I preferred to have you in bed with me then in your own bassinet.  And you preferred it to.  When we weren’t together you cried and cried and cried.  Daddy & I quickly realized that if you were upset then it was mommy who you wanted.  No one else would do!!  This was fine with me.  You were my very special “Boo.” 

When my maternity leave was close to being over, daddy & I had a conversation about moving back to Pittsfield.  It seemed like a logical plan for our family.  I could continue staying home with you & Aidan for a bit while I looked for a new job.  You went to daycare with Aidan for a couple months while I finished up my job in Boston & while we waited for daddy’s work transfer to be approved.  We moved at the end of March.  I looked for a new job for a bit but I really decided it was better for me to be home with you.  You had some stomach issues and were pretty fussy.  I knew how to console you. I knew how you liked to be held.  And no one could ever love you & care for you the way that I could.  We confirmed that decision when I was offered an opportunity to work for The Key Program. I could work evenings after daddy came home.  And so it was you & me! 

And today you started kindergarten.  Never will I forget the way you clutched my hand this morning while waiting to go into your new classroom.  Never will I forget the way you smiled at friend’s that you already knew.  Never will I forget the look of excitement on your face this morning when you were getting ready.  Never will I forget watching you make a train with your new classmates and chugging off down the hallway to your classroom.  Never will I forget holding back tears and wearing my biggest smile to show you how to be brave.  Never will I forget seeing you wear your biggest smile.

I love you very much my little cuddle bug!!!  I know you are going to love Kindergarten. I know that you are going to make so many new friends.  And I know that every day when I pick you up, you & I will be wearing our biggest smiles!!

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